Language is something that interests me greatly. I find it interesting because it has so many idiosyncrasies, and there is always more to learn. I also find it interesting because language shapes the way we think. In a basic way, the words we use play a role in the way our sentences are formed, and take a part in what we say. This is of course a basic concept, but it has far-reaching consequences.
There are a couple of words that I want to talk about today. The first of these is "slut". I think most people agree it's not a positive word. But I don't just dislike how it's often used, I dislike that it exists. There is no set definition for a slut, no benchmarks to pass to become one. It's subjective, based on the person making the judgment. The word says, in essence, "This person does something that I don't do." Or, more correctly, "This person does something that I do, just more often." It's easy to imagine a girl who has slept with, say, 5 guys, call a girl who has slept with 10 a slut. One can also imagine a girl who has had sex with one guy calling the first girl a slut.
Typical slut in her natural habitat.
My problem with the term is of course not that it's ambiguous. My problem is that the word only functions as a judgment on something that is, firstly, not an inherently immoral or bad thing, and second, is none of their Goddamned business. A girl who sleeps with (or hooks up with, or flirts with, etc.) a lot of guys does not need a title. A person's sex life should not be used against them to define who they are as a person.
There's also the issue that the term is inherently sexist. Guys do not get called sluts. If a guy hooks up with every girl he meets, he's a pimp, not a slut. This is because men are expected to want to fuck everything that moves, and if a large number of women will let him, he is to be revered. There are plenty of reasons to dislike the term, but it doesn't help that it's it's sexist to boot.
The other word is one that people rarely think of as being a negative force in our society, but I feel it fills a very similar role as "slut". This word is "virgin". This word presents a similar problem, just in the opposite direction. Virginity is seen as this pure state that someone can never get back to once they've been tainted. This brings to mind these things called purity balls, in which young girls go to a dance with their father and pledge their purity (read: virginity) to them. This is a concept probably worthy of its own post, it's so messed up.
Typical virgin in her natural habitat.
I don't have a problem with people waiting to have sex. I DO have a problem with people being judged on when they decide to have sex, and to label someone based on how much sex they have is inherently problematic. Think about the usage of the words virgin and virginity next time they come up. Are they ever used in a way other than to categorize people based on their sexual experiences? If it is used to that end, is it actually beneficial in any way?
so.
ReplyDeletegoddamned probably should be one word, but excellent addition of 'ed' all the same.
great use of picture captions.
and i don't think that you hate the fact that the word slut exists. that's perhaps going a step too far. every word has an appropriate use at some point, and if the rest of us are lucky, that usage is goddamned hilarious.
i think you geniunely, for excellent reason, hate the popular use of the term. which isn't funny, and therefore has little value to me.
I think you're right, that I don't hate that the word exists. I hate that the ethos behind it exists. That is, I hate that there was a person who thought that word was necessary and made it. Now that it's in existence, I suppose I don't hate that it exists, just how people use it. But in a better place, people wouldn't have felt the need to make up the term in the first place.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, whether or not a girl is a slut doesn't have anything to do with how many men (or women, or both) she's slept with. it's about how she acts, not her body count. A girl that has slept with 10 steady boyfriends could easily call a girl who is sleeping with her third new acquaintance at the party a slut, and probably be right.
ReplyDeleteSecondly:
Is lying inherently immoral or bad? Under every circumstance? What about a casual, meaningless lie that doesn't hurt anyone and is just told for the sake of lying. Is that wrong?
Lying is sort of like fucking. "What about a casual, meaningless fuck that doesn't hurt anyone and is just done for the sake of fucking." Sounds like something a slut would do, right?
Whether or not someone is a liar is subjective. What if they only tell the occasional white lie? What if they only lie when they have to (whatever that may mean)? What if they they only lie about one thing, but it comes up a lot? What if they lie just because they like deceiving people?
"Liar" doesn't feel like it's full of judgement and puritanical wrath, even though "slut" is the same word, just with a different biblical sin.
That's just because you think that sex isn't bad, and lying is.
This is all about the judgement call that sex isn't inherently immoral. If there's nothing wrong with frequent, casual sexual relations, then you're probably right. Calling somebody a slut is morally repugnant. But you can make a pretty strong argument that casual sex trivializes a deep, meaningful act, has all kinds of dangers associated with it, and cheapens a very important part of real romantic relationships. Also, pretty much everyone who believes in him thinks that god doesn't approve of sex before you get shacked up.
So what guides your judgement that sex is good, and lying isn't?
First: how often do you hear people calling other people liars behind their back? How often do you hear people say "Yeah, I heard he's a total liar.", then it affects your judgment of the person. While "liar" is a label, it's not used in an even remotely similar way in our culture. Liar isn't a term that sticks with a person like slut. A person that gets branded a slut has a lot of work to do before they can get their image back. This is not analogous to the term liar at all. Further, this is a term specifically directed towards women. Even if it's not a numbers game, men can act in a way that you would consider to be slutty if a woman was doing it, and it's to be expected. The term is inherently sexist and hypocritical.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I absolutely work off the assumption that sexual relations, casual or not, between two consenting adults is an okay thing. That is, in fact, the point of this blog. For some people, it's possible that casual sex may cheapen other relationships for them, or trivialize an otherwise meaningful act. I don't know people that have had casual sex and said that that was their experience. Even if it was, it's preposterous to assume that this is the case for everyone, and to base what you think other people should do with their lives solely on your own experiences without looking into other possibilities is myopic, narcissistic, and generally ignorant.
I'm not going to touch the "God doesn't approve" comment. Suffice to say I don't think religion, in and of itself, ever provides reason enough to guide your thoughts or actions.
On this excerpt:
ReplyDelete"There's also the issue that the term is inherently sexist. Guys do not get called sluts. If a guy hooks up with every girl he meets, he's a pimp, not a slut. This is because men are expected to want to fuck everything that moves, and if a large number of women will let him, he is to be revered. There are plenty of reasons to dislike the term, but it doesn't help that it's it's sexist to boot."
From a personal stance, I disagree, inasmuch as a guy who hooks up with every girl he meets is a slut, and from a societal stance, I think it's changing. I read (cause you don't see it on TV) guys getting called sluts often enough, though perhaps not in the "stinging, tainting, this-is-a-dark-mark-that-will-plague-every-future-social-interaction-you-ever-have" way that you seem to be approaching the issue from.
But if that is where you're coming from (and I think it is) then I have some bad news for you, Johanne Sebastian Zach: the sentiment behind the word LONG predates the word itself, to the point that the word (which meant, broadly, someone sloppy) was adopted to the meaning.
To get back to my previous point (where I see the word going), some of the more modern negativity (the kind that isn't just "You slept with more than one man! Hiss!") stems from the perception that if you have sex with a lot of people, then odds are you have low standards/aren't choosy/possess judgment that is lacking in quality. THESE characteristics aren't generally seen as admirable in a person, and I'd say that it's these characteristics that people are starting to comment on when they use the word.