Sexual Violence: a PSA

I assume that the erudite readers of my blog know all about this issue, but I feel it's important enough to address a second (and third, and fiftieth) time. With this in mind, I hope I do not appear condescending when I tell you that I'd like to walk you through some information about sexual violence. Not just statistics: I'm sure you've all heard that 1 in 3 women are sexually assaulted by the age of 18, and that 1 in 5 women will be raped in a five-year college career. You know that the vast majority of rapes are committed by people that the survivor knew personally. While we should all be outraged by this and looking to change it, there's only so much one can do. To do my part, I'd like to talk about what constitutes sexual assault so people, both male and female, can avoid it.

The short version is this: sexual assault is doing anything physically sexual with a person without their consent. It does not have to be male/female, it does not have to be penetrative. It does not have to involve a penis or a vagina.

You can be raped by someone you've had sex with before. Just because you wanted to one time does not mean you no longer have the right to say no. Just because you've agreed to some sexual activities, does not mean you've agreed to all of them. You can agree to making out, or taking your pants off, or to oral sex, while still not wanting to have sex. In fact, you can start having sex, and if something happens that you no longer want to, you can stop then, too.

You can get drunk and take home a stranger, but know that intoxication can negate consent . That is, don't go home with a girl that is too drunk to make any sort of decisions. Yes, people get drunk and hook up. But use some judgment. While I think all of this is true from a basic judgment standpoint, this is all also true from a legal standpoint. If you and/or your partner are drunk, be especially careful under those circumstances to have enthusiastic consent.

Enthusiastic consent is a term that has recently come up in the literature. This is the concept of not just not saying "no", but making sure you say "yes" before things get moved further. This can help eliminate what some consider to be a gray area of "well, she didn't say no, I thought it was fine." This is good for both parties. Who really wants to have sex when both people aren't excited about it anyway? So start asking people if they want to take things further. It doesn't have to be awkward, it can be hot. Even if it doesn't feel completely natural, I guarantee your partner will forgive a slight lack of grace for being concerned about their wellbeing.

Finally, if you are raped, report it. Resist the urge to shower or clean yourself off, and go straight to the police. Enough said.

I think that's about all I really wanted to get out. Tell your friends, male and female (though hopefully you've already made them start reading my blog). This is stuff that everyone needs to know. If y'all have any questions or comments, let me know.