On Rape Culture, Part II

In part I, I discussed what rape culture means, and how I came to realize it's a real problem. For some further perspective on this, I'd like to talk about an article I read recently that was extremely illuminating to me. It's called Why Nice Guys Finish Last by Julia Serano, and it's one essay in this collection. Those with the unbelievable fortune to know me personally, please ask to borrow it from me. Those less blessed, sit down in a library and read this article. It's all about why the rape culture exists as it does, and tries to push past some of the more obvious reasons that are given. Because it's not online, and therefore I can't link to it, I will instead be quoting and paraphrasing it liberally. Like this.

While there is certainly some truth to the idea that men are socialized to be sexually agressive, even predatory, this is not the only force at work in their lives. Male children and teenagers are also regularly and explicitly reminded that they should be respectful of girls and women, and are often punished severely for picking on, or Playing rough" with, their female peers. Further, the men-are-just-socialized-that-way argument fails to explain the countless men who never sexually abuse or harass women in their lifetime.

This is an important thing to point out for me, because the basic argument of simply saying men are brought up to be the way they are leaves out important facets that she mentions. Her basic theory is that rape culture has created a phenomenon called the predator/prey mindset, in which "men can only ever be viewed as sexual agressors and women as sexual objects." Take the example of women making lewd comments about some guy's ass. While this could easily be considering objectifying, it is not taken that way, not by a man hearing about it, nor by the women making the comments. This is because:

...the predator/prey mindset essentially ensures that men cannot be viewed as legitimate sexual objects, nor can women be viewed as legitimate sexual aggressors. This has the effect of rendering invisible instances of man-on-man and woman-on-woman sexual harassment and abuse, and it makes the idea of woman-on-man rape utterly inconceivable. It's also why women cannot simply "turn the tables" and begin sexualizing men. After all, if a woman were to shout catcalls at a man...her actions would likely be seen as suggestive and slutty, rather than intimidating and predatory.

She then proceeds to talk about the double bind that women are in, constantly being labeled either virgins or whores. This dichotomy is what muddles up the question of sexual liberalization for women. As Julia says, "If a woman embraces her sexuality, it may be personally empowering for her, but she still has to deal with the fact that others will project the 'whore' stereotype onto her and assume that she's inviting male sexualization." This is something I've discussed before, but she brings up an important facet that I hadn't thought of: the analog for men, or, the asshole/nice guy double bind. The predator stereotype paints a specific picture of a male. We all know the guys who make blatant sexist comments, or just downright don't treat women as equals. Even when these guys get taken to task for these things, and are encouraged to not think or act like that, it doesn't seem to do much. This is because of one obvious fact: it continues to get them women. No matter how much people may try to push guys away from acting like this, the assholes of the world have no real incentive to. How many times have you heard the story of the girl who falls for a guy who's clearly a tool, then gets surprised and upset when he breaks up with her, or cheats on her, or generally treats her like shit? Being a bona fide "nice guy" growing up, I heard it all the time from girls who would come to me as their friend.

Typical asshole in his natural environment.

Why was I the friend, and not the romantic interest? Precisely because I was a nice guy. I've heard guys lament about this exact situation more times than I can count. I've gotten explicit advice from personal friends and countless threads on the Internet telling me that the best way to pick up women is to be an asshole. That is, they wouldn't just describe what we've labeled as the asshole of this dichotomy, but they will literally say "You need to be an asshole to women." This is one of the biggest points against the biological argument for the presence of a predator/prey mindset. Even if there is some level of this programmed in, men are certainly taught, implicitly and explicitly, to behave in a manner that fits this mold.

Julia moves on to cover a really basic point that makes a whole lot of sense to me.

Not to sound corny, but we all want the same things in life: to gain other people's attention, to be adored, to be sexually desired, to be intimate with people we find attractive, and to have great sex. In a culture where women are generally viewed as sexual objects, some women will take on that role in order to gain attention and feel desirable. By the same token, in a world where men are only ever viewed as sexual aggressors, some men will take on that role in order to gain attention and feel desirable.

This is really hard to argue with. It almost makes the assholes endearing to us. For a little while, I played the asshole, and I did pretty well with women. Aside from not liking to treat women like that, I realized I didn't like the women who were drawn to those sorts of men. But realistically, it's almost difficult to blame men who perpetuate this mindset, if they, even subconsciously, think it's the only way they'll be able to get attention and/or affection. But while men are occasionally critiqued for preferring women who fulfill the sexual object stereotype, there is no serious criticism made of women who are attracted to the predator type of male. I see guys at parties doing things that easily qualify as sexual harassment that girls just giggle at in response. As long as this behavior continues to get rewarded, there's no reason for men to change it.

Typical nice guy in his natural environment.

I'm making a plea on behalf of men and women everywhere: stop promoting this shit. Men, don't go for women who let themselves be treated like objects, and try and hide their intelligence to avoid scaring off assholes. Women, quit going for assholes. There are nice guys that possess a lot of the good qualities you may see in the assholes, but they won't be, well, assholes. It's the only thing we can do to make a real change in this stuff.

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