On Dirty Talk

Dirty talk is interesting to me. I've talked to a lot of people about their thoughts, and gotten mixed reviews. Some people say, "It's weird", or "It's silly". And yet, someone must enjoy it, because the girls in porn seem to do it non-stop. Even if the scene is about a cute little babysitter, as soon as the clothes come off, she's saying words I won't even say in public. Alright, well, I probably will. And do. But still, it gets pretty filthy. Now for me, this type of dirty talk isn't an outright turn-off, but I don't fully understand the point of it. When a girl says to me "Fuck my little pussy with your hard cock!", the first thing that comes into my mind isn't elation while I think "Damn that's hot!", it's confusion while I think "But...isn't that what I'm already doing?"

This girl, on the other hand - I'm sure she's got something hot to say. Or maybe she's just wiping off some of her creepy lipstick on his ear. Either way, it's a win-win.

This isn't to say I don't like it when the girl talks - far from it. But for me, it's down more utilitarian lines: what feels good, etc. Likewise, I'm perfectly ready to tell a partner she looks (or feels, or smells) great if it occurs to me to say and it's true, but am less likely to say...hmm. Maybe that's part of the problem. What does one even say? I think if I were really to try and jump into it, I wouldn't fare much better than our good friend Seinfeld. All of my examples of male dirty talk come from porn, and they all tend to have a certain flavor to them that I don't really like. Neither does Ms. Naughty, as it turns out, and she talks about it here. She talks about why she hates words like "slut", "whore", and "bitch" in porn. The answer is, quite simply, the terms are offensive. The twist is that some girls enjoy this type of talk, and don't think that the words are degrading to use at all. Another case of taking the term back, I suspect. But, Ms. Naughty argues, the terms still have plenty of their original meaning left over, and to use them freely in porn is mainly degrading, and doesn't really help arouse her. This is something I agree with. I necessarily feel fondly towards the women with whom I'm romantically involved, and don't wish to call them names like this.

This entire topic, of course, precludes roleplaying. It goes without saying that there will be a difference in dialogue when you're playing a character. This goes doubly for the usage of these terms. Things that would otherwise seem inappropriate are completely fair game when roleplaying. This is, no doubt, part of the appeal for a lot of people.

After having asked a handful of people about this subject, one thing I've run into a few times is the interest in hearing the dirty talk, but not really wanting to participate. This is interesting to me. In this case, it's clearly not that they're against the concept of dirty talk. Instead, it could be a range of issues. One I've heard was simply "It feels awkward, unnatural." Sure, that seems fair. But I think in a lot of cases, it's people just not knowing what to say, or feeling embarrassed about what the other person might think. The thing is, though, a pretty high percentage of people, both male and female, that I've talked to said they like it when their partner does it. I know it's easy to be worried about saying the wrong thing and making a hot moment tepid. This is one more place where I would, shockingly, encourage lots of communication with your partner. Try out some new words and phrases in bed. After the afterglow, see what they think! Hopefully your partner isn't judgmental anyway, but when one's really turned on, one hardly sweats the petty things.

I think I sort of fit into this category. It's not that I'm opposed to the idea of saying (or hearing) hot things in the bedroom, I just have very little idea of what this might be. Admittedly, I probably say more in the moment than I really remember afterwards, but I know I'm not a master of the dirty talk. What I do know, though, is sometimes the right words can make a world of difference. I remember sleeping with a girl, and weeks afterwards remembering very few details of the sex itself, but still getting goosebumps when I remembered what she said during it. So guys, ladies: step outside your comfort zones. Try that shit out. You might enjoy it. If you need ideas, feel free to check out a previous post of mine. Just try not to talk like the people in porn. It's just kinda weird.

Seriously. Guaranteed this girl is about to say some stupid shit.

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